Thursday, August 21, 2014

She Only Has 2,880 Minutes...

This fall, Academy Award winner Marion Cotillard will make a play for a second nomination once again.

The actress – who many believe would, at the very least, court Oscar at his own party again a couple of years ago, for her Golden Globe-, SAG-, and BAFTA-nominated turn in Rust and Bone, only to...not – will be starring in Two Days, One Night, a new drama directed by Luc and Jean-Pierre Dardenne (The Kid with a Bike).

The film will zero in on a woman who, when faced with unemployment, spends an entire weekend trying to talk her co-workers into giving up their bonuses so she can be kept on the job.

Check out the trailer and do keep the film in mind this coming season. Cotillard was amazing in The Immigrant (another option for her come the next awards season), which is to say that she truly has become one to watch in every film she makes.

Like, Cotillard, to me, is like a modern-day, French Sophia Loren in that she is so good, and so adamant and capable to make Hollywood movies like Inception and Contagion and The Dark Knight Rises and then go back to Europe and work on this kind of stuff.

I kinda like her all that much more for it.


The Executioner is Coming

Who woulda thunk it.

Bradley Cooper is deep into the franchise game now.

I liked The A-Team – but not a lot of the people who actually count did to keep making more films of those guys. But I digress.

The point is not only did Cooper pretty much steal Guardians of the Galaxy by simply voicing Rocket Rackoon but, now, the two-tome Oscar-nominated actor (and three-time Hangover star – but lets not hold that against the guy) is getting into the business of headlining a brand new series of action novels-to-screen potential adaptations.

Cooper is set to play Mack Bolan, a.k.a. The Executioner, in a first movie based on the Don Pendleton books.


Chelsea’s Ready to Netflix

In case you were wondering, Chelsea Handler has set a date to pop her Netflix cherry.

Handler’s first comedy special, a taping of her Uganda Be Kidding Me Live Tour,” will be available for streaming on...Oct. 10.

I caught one of the Miami stops of the show back in April. That was some funny s---, but be sure to check it out if you like to laugh.

Anyway, several more comedy specials will follow before Handler premieres her new talk show on Netflix in 2016.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Mamacita of the Nine-Nine

Eva Longorias headed back to TV.

Just for a little bit.

The erstwhile Desperate Housewife has booked a three-episode guesting stint on the somewhat-under-the-radar Golden Globe-winning TV comedy Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Longoria will play a defense attorney who captures the eye of Adam Samberg’s detective-characters attention when they meet in court.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine will be back on the air late next month.


The NFL Wants Coldplay’s Money (Or RiRi’s...Or Katy Perry’s)

It’s about that time of the year folks start wondering who will be providing the halftime-show fun at the 2015 Super Bowl.

Already bandied about for the (unpaid) gig are Coldplay. And Rihanna (pictured here, on stage with Chris Martin). And Katy Perry.

But before anyone could get all bent outta shape about the options for this or that reason, what people are actually talking about today is the National Football League’s audacity in moving to ask these potential acts to pay it for the pleasure of putting on a show.

Evidently, the NFL has reached out to all three hit-makers to find out whether they, “would be willing to contribute a portion of their post-Super Bowl tour income to the [NFL], or if they would make some other type of financial contribution, in exchange for the [opportunity].

Unsurprisingly, every camp that was asked reportedly has balked at the idea.

The Super Bowl, FYI, is set for Feb. 1.


Anaconda On the Loose!

So Nicki Minaj has a big butt.

That much has always been clear.

But now, Her Minajesty, armed with Anaconda,” her get-to-twerking Sir Mix-a-Lot-sampling new single, is letting the world know that she knows she has “a big, fat ass” – and that she loves it.

That she owns it.

That she likes it.

“I have a big, fat ass,” is actually the closing spit of the song. It is a statement, no follow-up needed.

Anaconda,” I think, is meant to be like, this take-back-our-girl-power self-objectifying/celebration, right. A little too on the nose to be a parody, yet a little too precise not to be taken seriously. After all, for 14 years we have been aware that certain men – like Sir Mix-a-Lot – have anacondas (right...) that want none unless ladies got buns, hun.

Minaj is here to say to all her fellow Bs with a fat ass in the motherf---ing club – her words, not mine – that it is power to have a big butt. And that men ought to respect it.

From the looks of the rapper’s video for the song, men (or, at least, Drake, who makes a cameo in it) also need to worship it – but not touch it, OKRRR. Not without permission. Ever.

I thought that much also was clear.

Anyway, “Anaconda is featured in Minaj’s upcoming Pink Print album.

And now you know (yeah, all the moves that Minaj has in the can).

The Mockingbird Takes Flight

She’s baaack.

Friday Night Lights star Adrianne Palicki, TV’s next big star...three years ago (she was set to break through as David E. Kelley’s Wonder Woman, but girlfriend’s pilot was essentially DOA), has landed on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar.

Meaning she has landed on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar, that is.

Palicki – who, granted, has been busy since we last checked in on things out in Dillon with roles on El Rey’s From Dusk Till Dawn and TV’s About a Boy, among others – has been tapped for a guesting/potentially recurring part on the Marvelverse show’s sophomore season.

The actress will be playing...Bobbi Morse, a.k.a. Mockingbird, and Sshe will make her debut on the show on the fifth episode back this fall.


Hey There, Scott Lang

OMG: We have us a first look at Ant-Man, the long-gestating, troubled-as-of-late Marvel title!

So, yeah...rejoice. It is happening.

And, yeah, that’s Paul Rudd, in character as Dr. Henry Pym Scott Lang, on location in San Francisco for of the July 2015 blockbuster, which finally went into production yesterday, with director Peyton Reed at the helm.

Hey. I know. It’s not quite a look-see at Rudd in costume as Ant-Man. But it is a (small) star.

See what I did there?


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Cumber-stud of the Jungle

And for his next act, Benedict Cumberbatch will not be seen – but he he will he heard.

And – Tall Assignment Alert! – he will be competing with Idris Elba to see who did it better.

The Cumber-stud is set to lend his voice to Andy SerkisJungle Book: Origins, a second such project that is currently in the works (Jon Favreau is working on The Jungle Book, which will feature the voices of Elba, Scarlett Johansson, and Lupita Nyong’o.

Serkis’ movie is due out in October 2016 – a year after Favreau’s – and Cumberbatch will be voice-exercising the role of Shere Khan, which is the job Elba will perform for the Iron Man man.


Update: Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, and Naomie Harris (Skyfall) also have boarded Jungle Book: Origins.

They will voice the panther Bagheera, the python Kaa, and one of the wolves that raises Mowgli, respectively, while Serkis will take on the part of Baloo the bear.

R.I.P. Mr. Saturday Night

The iconic voice of TV’s Saturday Night Live is now quiet.

Don Pardo, the show’s longtime announcer, passed away yesterday. He was 96.

An announcer for than six decades, Pardo’s voice was heard on the original Jeopardy!, and on shows like The Price Is Right, Jackpot, and, for a spell, Wheel of Fortune. To his credit, he was SNL’s longest-running player, delivering the iconic “It’s Saturday Night Live!” for 38 of the show’s so-far 39 seasons (Season 40 kicks off this fall).

Bit o’ trivia: Next to Bob Hope, Pardo was the only other person ever to enjoy a lifetime contract with NBC, which he joined as a reporter during World War II.

Another noteworthy fact? He was the one who actually announced to TV viewers that JFK had been assassinated.


The Beginning of the Affair

Joshua Jackson’s gonna do bad things for us soon.

No, he’s not going to be on HBO’s True Blood. Obviously.

J2’s The Affair is about to debut.

The new Showtime drama – about a complicated Long Island-based love square also involving Dominic West (HBO’s The Wire), Maura Tierney, and Ruth Wilson (pictured here with Jackson, her on-screen hubby) – is set to premiere on Oct. 12, a week after Homeland returns for its fourth season.

The Affair, btw, will be told separately from the male and the female perspective. (Ya got beat to it, Eleanor Rigby! Ish.)


Monday, August 18, 2014

Mrs. Secretary of State

Carla Gugino is getting back into bed with HBO.

The olEntourage actress has landed a role on The Brink, a new dark half-hour comedy starring Tim Robbins, Jack Black, and Pablo Schreiber (Netflix’s Orange Is the New Black).

Gugino will play the high-powered Washington, D.C., attorney-wife of Robbins’ secretary of state character.

The Brink will center on three men in the midst of a veritable geopolitical crisis that could very well end in World War III.

Black will play a Foreign Service officer, while Schreiber will portray a U.S. Navy fighter pilot.

Gugino is expected to appear on several episodes of the show.


A Swift Shake-off

So like, did Taylor Swift reach a whole ’nother level of self-awareness earlier today or what.

See, the singer-songwriter went and held her much-anticipated (GTS) – and maligned – Yahoo! livestream, and, of course, she took the opportunity to annou...aheam...confirm that she is, indeed (as very much expected), dropping a new album soon.

You ready?

Swift is following up her hit Red album on Oct. 27, with 1989, which is not only a nod to her birth year but her late-’90s-saluting “very first documented, official pop album” as well.

And to drive the point home, she also let it rip on the record’s first single, the impossibly pop Shake It Off.

I swear the ditty’s beginning harkens back to Avril Lavigne’s “Boyfriend som’in’ It’s a song that knows what it is – what it needs to be as the first track outta the 1989 gate – as it contains the lyric, “haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

And there you have it.


Sunday, August 17, 2014

Here Come the Carters

Bang, bang – here come the Carters.

Well, more like there they go. There they go, all the way to HBO.

As you more than likely know, Beyoncé and Jay Z have an “On the Runconcert special on schedule with the cabler next month, and heres your first tease of all the fun:

Beyoncé and Jay Z’s not-quite-live-from-Paris concert special will air on HBO on Sept. 20.

Cera Sings

Sneaky, sneaky, Michael Cera.

The actor turned musician this week when he pulled a Beyoncé and dropped a lo-fi indie folk album – of course – on the world.

Titled true that, the album is now available for streaming now (I like his cover of Blaze FoleyClay Pigeons” – I gotta tweet this kid to thank him for introducing me to him), although probably for a limited time.

Check it:

Btw, you can also purchase true that by clicking here.

Bad Judge Wooer

This fall, Ryan McPartlin will be back on NBC.

Chucks erstwhile Captain Awesome has landed a recurring role on Kate Walshs long-gestating new comedy Bad Judge.

McPartlin will play Billy the Fireman, a love interest for Walshworks-hard-f---s-around-hard-type titular character.

Betcha the actor – who can currently be seen on ABC Familys Mystery Girls – is gonna be the one bringin’ the fire to the show.


Saturday, August 16, 2014

Hough-in’ It to Nashville

Coming up on TVNashville, things are gonna get a little Derek Hough.

The Dancing with the Stars pro has signed on to play a disarming movie star who comes into contact with all the movers and shakers of the city’s musical scene.

Meaning Rayna James (Connie Britton) and, more than likely, Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere). Although it would be a struck of genius to pair him with Chris Carmack’s gay country singer Will Lexington.

Oh yes it would be.



Happy Birthday, my Queen.

Happy Birthday, my Queen.

Happy Birthday, dear Madonna.

Happy Birthday, my Queen.

Here’s to many, many more.

And to some new music.

And to a brand new world tour full of hits that I shall be able to catch so I can dance and sing, get up, and do my thing.


Friday, August 15, 2014

Mommy and Daddy Make a Porno

It’s a beautiful thing when lightning strikes and magic happens.

Like, it’s such kismet that, of course, one – especially, say, a studio head in such an uninspired-as-of-late place as modern-day Hollywood – would be inclined to go chase that make it happen again.

Which is what probably led to Sex Tape.

A rather-humorless reunion for the winning Bad Teacher team of director Jake Kasdan and Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel, you rightly would and should think that the laughs would just keep a-comin’ – ;) – with this one.

But you’d be wrong.

Diaz and Segel play Annie and Jay, a married-with-two-kids couple well settled into their suburban life. Lest you think it, mommy-blogger tells us as the movie opens, the two didn’t used to be as domesticated as they are when we first meet them. On the contrary, college sweethearts Annie and Jay made just about every surfaced they ever encountered pay the sexual piper back in the day. And don’t you know that, actually, they were so attuned and sexual with each other, Jay’s penis developed a sort of Annie Alert, standing at attention even before she walked into a room.

So what happened? Life did. PTA meets and schedules and work. Y’ know...routine.

Sex Tape is supposed to be a raunchy comedy about a bored (?) couple trying to spark things up a bit (that question marks there cause they just seem overwhelmed). It’s supposed to be about the high jinks that ensue after said homemade production inadvertently goes “up to the Cloud” and is, thus, downloadable into every iPad the couple has given away to their friends (Rob Corddry and Bridesmaids’ Ellie Kemper) and family, her potential new boss (Rob Lowe, in a more-than-meets-the-eye turn that quickly wears out its welcome), and even their mailman.

Don’t worry, the explanation for that one makes them less loathsome than that. I mean, who gives away iPads as gifts so freely, other than like, Tim Cook?

But I digress.

One of the problems, if not the problem with Sex Tape is that it sets itself up for a Hangover-style type of night after, you know. Annie and Jay do the deed – the lot of The Joy of Sex (yes, even that in her case...and that in his). However, the story drags, and instead of making many a desperate stop over the course of one night on their hope-no-one’s-seen-this-yet way to saving face, the movie simply satisfies itself with a couple of long, mostly lame layovers and a mess of a climax that tries too hard.

All the movie wants to do is get the point across that it’s A-OK for a couple of people as sexy as Diaz and as a funny and gentle as Segel are to hit a rut, provided they remember why they’re together in the first place. Why they love each other.

Whereas we just wanna see ’em gettin’ down and nasty here and there so we can have a laugh every once in a while.

I gotta believe there was a cleverer, funner ways to bait-and-switch on the movie’s title.

My Rating *1/2

Photo: Sony Pictures.